The dreaded cover letter and other employment misadventures

Okay, so this is the sort of thing I could be vlogging about--and believe me, I have had time to vlog--but I've been sick for going on two weeks now, and while I've finally (mostly) regained the ability to breathe, I still sound funny and have grown incredibly pale and my face has broken out so much that I look like I'm suffering from dragon pox. So to spare you the thought that I'm knocking on death's door, I give you the rant about cover letters that has been smoldering in the back of my mind for a while:

First off, you would think that as a person who likes to write, I could write a one page synopsis of myself to present to employers. I think my problem is my love for fiction and hatred of putting myself into my own stories. I don't LIKE promoting myself. I feel horrible when I'm doing it, like "Oh yeah, I'm this awesome and here's why." I'm not saying I'm NOT awesome--I like to think I am pretty awesome--but telling other people that feels disgusting to me. Perhaps because MODEST is a word I would use to describe myself, but you can't very well put that in a cover letter, can you?

I have sent so many of these things out. I have rewritten it and revised it and pummeled it with rocks and read about what makes a good cover letter and a bad one. And then I sent more out, and a few more, and then glared at it with my death glare. And gosh darnit, my death glare gets things done.

And I have gotten ONE interview. ONE.

A successful interview, true, but it was for a temp agency, and I haven't gotten called in yet, so it still feels like I'm completely unemployed.

Now, part of my problem is my work visa, which is intended for people who are traveling more than I am and allows me to work for an employer only for six months. Within six months I'm planning on getting a different visa (that'll be a different post), but still, maybe employers see the six month limit and go: meehhh...

But that doesn't explain the other temp agency I applied to that was looking for administration assistants with at least two years of experience as well as strong Microsoft Office skills that told me I "don't have the skills and experience" they were looking for. Given that I have four years of administration experience and strong Microsoft Office skills, I should think that I DO, in fact, have the skills and experience that they were looking for. And MOST of the other jobs I've been applying to have been temp--usually 3-6 months. So you would think the visa thing wouldn't be so much of an issue.

So why in the world am I not getting more interviews?

I can only put it down to the cover letter. Something about my pesky cover letter says "do not hire." I am still trying to find where it says that, and in the meantime, getting more and more frustrated with my state of unemployment. As you've probably heard me say before, it's not even for the money--Cal is supporting both of us right now, and we're STILL putting quite a bit in savings each week--I'm just BORED. I cannot be a housewife much longer. I will go mad.

Soon I'll start liking small yipping dogs.
And eating bonbons.
While watching cheesy soap operas.
And designing children's birthday parties and matching their outfit to the decor and--

SOMEONE SAVE ME I THINK THAT LAST ONE WOULD BE REALLY CUTE.

...It's probably too late. I already spend too much time on Pinterest. GET AWAY BEFORE I INFECT YOU TOO.

...Now I'm starting to wonder if my fever's back. Okay, OH BAI, off to post this to a select group of you on Facebook.