What is friendship?

This isn't really an attempt to be deep and philosophical, more just casual wondering--casual wondering about how friendship might not be defined some of the same general principles for everyone. This rather provoking thought has been borne out of some recent conflict which perhaps we can talk about at our next shindig.

For me, it seems that friendship is created out of mutual respect between two people. Doesn't that seem like it would be the very baseline? Mutual respect. That means if I have a friend, I respect you, and you respect me.

Respect things like personality, habits, history, choices.

And when things AREN'T respected -- say, I respect you, but you DON'T respect me, I would say that's when things start falling apart. Wouldn't you? I mean, there are millions of other factors, too. But for me, respect is the main one. And surely, SURELY a person can see that they aren't respecting another person. When that person is getting upset. Or perhaps when a person is requesting a compromise and you aren't giving it to them, leaning instead toward your own selfish desires.

Sometimes I get a bit paranoid that I don't have friends here. It's sort of like high school all over again, where I wasn't especially close to anyone (shown by the fact that I fell out with all of them the second I went to college.) So sometimes, low blows picking on such a thing DO bother me.

What if I am incapable of making/keeping friends? What if there's some part of me that just pushes people away?

Part of that is that I know I can be a tough person to be around sometimes. I keep everything bottled up inside--every frustration, bit of stress, irritation--and unleash it upon people I like. Because around people I don't like, I don't feel comfortable doing such a thing. And around people I do like, I DO feel comfortable showing more emotion. With the result that I can be moody and snappish and appear to be quite angry WITH a person when really I'm quite angry at a lot of other things.

So, then, what if I DO push people away?

But when I start thinking of that, I also start thinking about that college and all those people I met. And still talk to. Who still want to talk to me. Who never judged (not really), who never questioned my choices, who never made a face at the thought of walking up a mountain in a tutu. People who share too many inside jokes, who have too much fun laughing together, who come up with the most random stuff to do and don't think twice about doing it, who have been there through smiles and tears...

And when I think about that, HA I say to all those who would deal low blows.

HA.

You have NO idea who stands behind me, and if you did, you'd be running.

They're armed with glitter and duct tape. So help you if you cross them.